Fantasy vs. Reality

I’ve heard a lot of people say that the books they have been reading aren’t realistic enough for them. I’m trying to work out what they mean by that. Do they mean the plot is too far-fetched? Or they can’t relate to the characters? The setting is too extraordinary? I think they mean they just don’t believe in the story.

For me, books have always been an escape. When I think my life is pretty boring and mundane, I can always read a book to be in a much more exciting (or otherwise) world away from my own. I agree that some books can be unrealistic. For instance, I don’t wish to read anything that is absolutely absurd about donkeys ruling the world in a giant banana shaped pirate ship while keeping humans as their dancing slaves (that kind of unrealistic, I get!). 

But the whole point of books is simply ‘imagination.’ Writers share their imagination with readers, and you either like what they’ve invented, or you don’t. I think there is a side to everyone that wants to believe in things that we know don’t possibly exist. Ghosts. Fairies. Vampires. Hobbits. Angels. Demons. We watch films and we know it’s all only special effects, but we believe in it for that moment we are there, chewing on popcorn as the surround-sounds vibrate on the cinema floor, we are in the film. And no matter how ridiculous things get – it’s all real. 

Certain things can seem unrealistic to certain people. For someone, donkeys ruling the world in a giant banana shaped pirate ship while keeping humans as their dancing slaves may seem plausible (although, I’m pretty sure no one does). Yet, I don’t think extraordinary things should be a bad thing. They add a bit of life and uniqueness to the novel – quirkiness even. 

However, I do think that different genres need different levels of ‘real-ism’. I read a lot of YA contemporary novels which deal with ‘real’ problems that happen to ordinary people in the world. I also read a lot of fantasy novels that need to be ‘make believe’, otherwise they wouldn’t be ‘fantasy’. That doesn’t mean to say that all YA contemporary novels are ‘real’ and also doesn’t mean all fantasy novels are far-fetched and improbable to one’s imagination. 

When I read a book, I forget about everything else. My life doesn’t consist of much drama, but even so, reading means I am not in my own reality. I am in a fantasy world, because after all, books are all fantasy really. As much as it pains me to say it, they are not real. Books are not real! The setting may be a real place in the world. But the plot and the characters can be made up and left to roam in it and do what the writer pleases.

But books CAN be real. If you want them to be real, they can be. The amount of times I’ve been reading a book and imagined myself as the main character and experienced what she’s been going through while she’s going through it, is ridiculous. But it’s fun. Books are supposed to be read and enjoyed. You should laugh at them and cry at them. You should believe them, no matter if it is about those donkeys ruling the world (which I’m actually starting to like the sound of now – maybe it will catch on?). 

I am writing a YA novel at the moment which is more 'realistic' than 'fantasy'. But just because it deals with 'real' issues, doesn't mean that it isn't fantastical to me. I am in my own little bubble that I don't want to pop when I am writing it. I daydream about my characters and what they are doing. It is all make-believe - it is a story, but we all love stories right?

Yeah, okay, some books are ‘unrealistic’, but does that make them bad? Is that a problem? I don’t think so. I think that’s what can make them pretty amazing sometimes.

Let me know what you think in the comments. Fantasy or reality? Or both?

Lauren :)

Driving test DO's

Hello! So I passed my drving test back in November last year (first time, might I add hehe) and only last week did I buy a car of my own. I took my first drive in it today which was super scary as I hadn't driven since I passed my driving test. I was surprised that I actually knew what all the pedals and gears did. But somehow, I drove pretty well, even if I do say so myself. There were a slight few hiccups but nothing major. This got me thinking about the time I did pass my test and that maybe I should write a post about a few things you should do on your driving test, for anyone about to take it. So here we go...

 

 

1. Try to relax

 

Now, I was a nervous wreck just before my driving test. I think the most nervous I have ever been in my life. Driving without my driving instructor was daunting and I would have paid a lot of money to be anywhere else but sitting in the car about to take my test. I did not want to take my test a second time (partly because I didn't want to fork out another £60) and so, I made sure to concentrate and drive is safely as I possibly could. Although your heart will be punching at your chest when you are waiting for the examiner to walk down the stairs, when you are in the car you will get over that and just relax. At the end of the day, you shouldn't be doing your test if you aren't capable of driving safely. So panicking is inevitable, but try to relax as much as possible.

 

2. Your lesson before WILL go bad

 

I had the worst lesson before my test. I can't remember the amount of times I stalled and used the wrong gears! I honestly thought, if this is the way my test is going to go then I've already failed. But my driving instructor told me that its only natural for the lesson before to not go so well (after my test!) So don't worry too much if your lesson before goes horribly, it's only nerves and you won't have time to think about them when you take your driving test.

 

3. Bring all the correct information

 

Obviously your driving instructor will make sure you have all the right information with you, but just checking. I double checked constantly. You don't want to be the one to get to a driving test and not even have your licence!

 

4. Know the show me tell me questions

 

I didn't even know this was a thing until someone at school said about it when they were about to take their test. There is a set of standardised questions which the examiner will pick two from to ask you before you start your test - one of them will be a show me question, the other a tell me. Now I don't think you can fail your test for not knowing the answers, but it is always best to have gone over them with someone before your test as it shows that you know what you are doing. I went over them twice with my dad before my test and luckily I got some of the easier ones and got them right. So make sure to know them!

 

5. Listen and talk to the examiner

 

The examiner will tell you where to go and what signs to follow. Make sure to pay attention while concentrating on the road. But if you do forget where they told you to go, don't be afraid to ask them again. I did. When I got to my independent driving, she told me a few instructions (a few lefts, a few rights) and I got a bit confused, so I asked her again and that was not a problem. Having said that, even if you do go the wrong way, the driving instructor will lead you back round another way - you will not fail for that. Talking to the examiner is a good way to show that you are a confident driver and can also keep make you relax. So listen to the examiner, but don't feel you can't ask for instructions again.

 

6. Check your mirrors all the time

 

According to my examiner, I checked the windows 'superbly'. It is a simple thing to do and I made it so obvious that I was checking my windows - I literally turned my head like an owl when I was checking my windows. Make it clear that you are aware of what is around you. They are looking for you to be safe. If you don't check your windows, you are showing that you will not be a safe driver. Also, every time you pull out somewhere from either a parking spot or the side of a road, make sure to check your blind spot! If you keep forgetting every time, they could fail you.

 

7. Better safe than sorry

 

Always check the speed limits. You should either stick to speed limits or go under. You can fail for going too fast, but you can't for going to slow (unless of course, you are doing 10mph constantly for your whole test!) I never drove too slow in my driving lessons, so I was really surprised when I got a few minors for driving too slow. I think it was just because I was nervous and didn't want to fail for going over the speed limit. If you don't know the speed limit, it is probably best to stick to 30 until you see a sign.

8. Don't be too confident

The examiner will know if you are a good, safe driver or not. You don't need to show off. If you make a mistake, admit to it, don't argue about it. When I realised I was going a bit too fast down a hill, I told my examiner, because then it shows that I am aware of what I may be doing wrong. When I had to do my bay parking, I told her that I didn't think it went too well. She told me that if its in the lines, it's fine, and it was (also, you can't fail if you don't park the car first time, just try again - you may get a few minors, but if you hit the curb you will fail). So, don't be over confident, if you are a bit cautious then you will concentrate more and have a higher chance of passing.
 

You will find that you do things wrong that you usually do fine in your lessons. I remember getting 3rd gear wrong on the test, which I'd never done before. Taking your driving test is scary, but if it doesn't go well, then when you take it next time, at least you'll know what to expect.

 

I hope this post may help anyone about to take their driving test or thinking about learning to drive! If you have any more suggestions, feel free to add some in the comments.

 

Lauren :)

Bloglovin

I decided to change my blog address recently as I was unhappy with what it was originally called. I wanted something that would stand out and something that was memorable. I really like my new URL and just thought I'd write a quick post to share the new address on Bloglovin.

 

I have had to claim the new blog on my bloglovin. If you want to follow me over there, under my new URL, then click the link below :)

 

Thank you!

 

Lauren x

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My notebook

I never used to carry a notebook around with me anywhere. Whenever I thought of a story idea I'd make a note of it on my phone or just rely on my memory. But now, I never go anywhere without it. 

My notebook is where all my thoughts go. Whether I get an idea for a story, I hear something interesting, make up a nice song lyric, write down a beautiful word or write a scene of my novel, a notebook is very handy and it all goes in there. 

It is starting to look rather tatty with various piece of paper falling out of it, but it contains pretty much everything I need. It's not a fancy notebook, (just a pukka pad) but it does the job. Being a very organized person, I like having everything in one place or neatly in their own piles and so, having a notebook means that all of my writing is together.

I feel that the more I write in my notebook, the more realistic my stories become. For example, I might write about a person I see out and about - not just the way they look, but the way their feet scuff the ground as they walk, the way they close their eyes when they laugh, the way they flick their hair when they are being filmed, the way their nostrils flare as they look at you, the way they scratch their shoulder when they are nervous. I like to notice the little things (not a reference to One Direction!) because the little things make us unique. 

I know this probably makes me sound like a weird stalker, but if I'm going to write realistically, my characters have to be realistic. 

I try and pretend my notebook is my own little space to write whatever I like. I don't have to worry about anyone reading it. It's there for me to write down all my thoughts and ideas without judgement. 

My Microsoft started playing up recently on my laptop. I usually write my stories straight onto a word document, but since it isn't working, I've been writing everything in there. I have to admit, it probably is the better place to write everything. Although you have to type everything back up onto the laptop, the fact that it is portable means I can write anywhere I want which is very handy. I like that I can walk down to the library or the park near where I live and can pick up my story whenever I want, rather than having to do it only when I have my laptop with me (which isn't something I carry around with me everywhere). 

All in all, I feel it would be a loss for a writer not to carry a notebook around with them. You'd be surprised how much you forget throughout the day. I have to write, write, write all the time to keep myself motivated and on point. Without my little notebook, I would definitely not be!!! 

Thanks for reading :)

Review | All the Bright Places

I can't stop banging on about this book! I don't know whether it's the love story of Finch and Violet, the heart-wrenching and controversial theme of suicide or the use of my favourite thing - words. I just love it, and so I thought I'd write a post about it.

All the Bright Places is a YA contemporary novel by Jennifer Niven. It centers around the relationship of Theodore Finch and Violet Markey. Finch is a 'freak' to a lot of people at school and regularly changes his image (I think I liked him because he does something that I do - he writes down a lot of things on post-it notes and really sees the beauty in words). Finch says violet is cheerleader popular, but beneath it all she is sad and troubled by the recent death of her sister, Eleanor. The novel starts with Finch and Violet both on the ledge of the school bell tower. Finch is contemplating jumping from the ledge and so is Violet, but eventually Finch persuades her to get down. Every time Finch attempts to kill himself, something stops him. The novel follows as they are paired together for a school project where they have to discover the natural wonders of their state. They visit all different places - the beautiful and the ugly - leaving behind little souvenirs as they go. They fall in love and constantly message each other on the internet and talk in Finch's bedroom. It is inferred within the novel that Finch suffers bipolar disorder. Violets world begins to shine brighter with Finch in it, but Finch's world begins to shrink with every turn of the page...

I wouldn't want to give too much away, but this novel does deal predominantly with suicide and suicidal thoughts that may be upsetting to some readers. For me, the novel was enlightening and I personally feel its important to deal with 'mental health issues' as they can be helpful to people suffering from them, and make you understand that you aren't alone.

This is the kind of novel that I will usually pick up at a book store and crack on reading straight away. I am a sucker for a bit of romance, combined with quirky characters and a tearful plot. There is just something about these books that gets me. I wouldn't say I had any exceptions when I picked up this book as I hadn't even heard of it before. Nevertheless, I was very impressed and it will stick with me for a VERY long time. It has made a big impression on me.

I really don't know if I can do this novel justice. All I can say is that if you aren't easily offended, it's a must-read. The story is so beautifully told, shifting between Finch's perspective and Violet's, in an exciting and unique way. I couldn't bear to put it down. 

***** 

"She is oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium, and phosphorus. The same elements that are inside the rest of us, but I can't help thinking she's more than that..."

"I am broken. I am a fraud. I am impossible to love."

"You are all the colors in one, at full brightness."

"Lovely."

5 ways to deal with your fears

I fear a lot of things. This is one of my biggest problems in life. I know fear is only natural and everyone fears certain things, only, I fear a lot of stuff and this means that I chicken out of doing stuff.

I am TERRIFIED of dogs. A lot of people love dogs. I wish I could go up to one and play with it, but in the back of my mind a little siren goes off when I am near one and yells 'don't go near that, it will bite your head off!' and so I head the other direction. Some people really don't understand fearing dogs and I get that, but a lot of people fear spiders and I think it's the same kind of thing. A fear is justified, no matter what it is.

Whenever I used to go round other people's houses, I was always that annoying person who asked you to lock the dog away. I hated having to ask this, but I would not have gone in the house otherwise. Only yesterday, my Grandad (who plays the guitar and harmonica in his band) was performing at a charity event at a Vet's and I wanted to go and show my support, but obviously there was going to be a thousand dogs there and hence, I stayed at home. I was with my friend once in a park and a tiny dog playfully chased me around, but of course, I thought he was about to devour me and eat me for his dinner. My friend couldn't stop laughing. It was probably hilarious, but to me that was like a near death experience (honestly!). It is embarrassing and also irritating.

I don't know how to get over it. When you get older, the fear is supposed to subside, but it hasn't. My Mum recommended taking me to cognitive behavioral therapy to change the way I perceived dogs, but I never went. My fear of dogs is something I can live with. I never used to be afraid of dogs when I was younger. So I guess it's something that I've pinned in my mind at some point growing up. I don't think anything triggered it - I've never been bitten or anything. I really don't know how to deal with this, other than ignore it and get on with it when it happens.

There are other things I fear. I do get social anxiety, so going to parties (which is a rarity), job interviews, presentations, and other out of the ordinary events can get to me and make me feel like I want to be swallowed up by a vortex and die. I don't know if it's just me but when I get nervous or anxious, I gut this little fuzzy feeling (and not a good one) in my body, like I'm being tickled by feathers, and shiver a lot, my heart racing simultaneously. I think the fear of embarrassing myself is another. I know it shouldn't be, but it is a horrible feeling when you mess up and everyone is staring at you!

There are also silly fears I have. I hate flames and whenever my Mum is making dinner, I don't get anywhere close to the stove. My Mum says that if you fear fire, its probably because you were burned to death in a past life, but I'm not too sure about that. I don't like water parks where there are lots of other people around because I hate the thought of being held under water for a long time (this probably stems from when I once went around a neighbours house and I was in their pool and someone trapped me under a lilo and I couldn't swim up for ages - well, not that long, but the thought of being trapped there was what frightened me). I fear tight spaces. I fear getting a job. I fear exams. I fear not achieving anything in life. I fear public speaking. I fear what people think of me.

I thought I'd write this post because 'fear' bugs me and is something that I've tried to work out and conquer, but nothing seems to change the way you feel. Fear can be a good thing in certain situations and you can thrive on it. But sometimes my fear gets too much for me and I don't do stuff in life because of it and life is too short I guess to fear it.

Below are a few things I do to help control my fear:


1. Shake hands with fear.

I read somewhere today that you should do something everyday that scares you. If you stay in your comfort zone, you'll never live life to the full. If you know that good will come of something, no matter how frightened you are, you have to seize the opportunity and most of the time, things are never as bad as you think (a lot of the time I feel stupid for having even been afraid). Tell fear that it has nothing on you!

2. Pretend that you aren't afraid.

The old saying 'putting on a brave face' comes into my mind here and is pretty spot on. If I imagine that I'm like everyone else and that I'm not afraid of dogs and I'm not the most awkward person in the world, it sometimes makes me feel more at ease (I really don't know if this is good advice but it helps me).

3. Don't tell yourself you're afraid.

I was SO nervous for a job interview that I thought I just wasn't going to go. But I was like, no Lauren, you're going! I told myself that I wasn't afraid because once you feel you are, you believe you are. I know being nervous can bring the best out of you sometimes, but this is rarely the case for me and my nervousness verges on complete uncontrollable fear. Whenever I get stupidly fearful of something I tend to act like I can beat it, like I'm invincible and no one has the right to make fun of me or look down on me.

4. Find a distraction.

For some people this may be sleeping (if you can get to sleep) for others it may be reading a book, going to the gym or watching TV. I find I watch a lot of YouTube when I am anxious or upset and looking for a place to escape. This doesn't mean that the fear will disappear, but if you are constantly fearful, it is a good distraction.

5. BREATHE. 

I think this is better advice. If you become fearful and anxious, just take a step back and breathe. We all have to do things we don't want to do, but don't force yourself into something. Relax and go as far as you can.


There is lots of advice online about dealing with fear and I've read a lot about how you should face the fear. But this is hard for a lot of people, including myself, to do. I like tackling things slowly and gradually putting some of my fears at bay, although I'm still learning how to do this. I hope this post may be even the slightest bit helpful to anyone, although it is mainly to rant about how crazy fearful I am as a person and how I haven't yet come to grips with dealing with it.

Any better advice on how to deal with fear? 

Remember: Fear isn't always a bad thing. 

Results Day. Why am I not nervous?

Results Day is on Thursday. I’m not as nervous as I should be and this worries me. My Mum keeps talking about how this day decides the rest of my life, but I keep thinking, do I not decide? It is up to me what I do with my life. But I hate making decisions. I wish I was young again and my Mum decided everything I was doing. What I ate. When I go to sleep.  What I wore (actually maybe not when I look at some of the old pictures of me in these big puffy playsuits that made me look like a giant marshmallow). I have this constant belief that I make terrible decisions. Everything I do seems to be wrong. I like to believe I don’t have any regrets (because after all, what we regret can only make us stronger as we learn from our mistakes, right?) But this is too big a decision for mistakes. To me, university is a big decision.

I am potentially going to university in September to study English Literature with creative writing. I am secretly shaking at the thought. When I got my results last year, I was SO deflated. I kept the tears in as I opened the envelope in front of my Mum. It didn’t help that she was extremely excited to see my results. I was excited. I thought I’d done alright. I knew Maths was going to be a stinker (which it kind of was), but I was good at the three other A-levels. Two of them were good, but one I don’t even want to mention. My friends, who also didn’t do too well, blamed our teachers, but I just blamed myself. If I’m not good at something, I’m not good at it. Obviously, at the time, I was upset though. I told my Mum I didn’t even want to apply to university and was going to leave school because A-levels were pointless. Of course, I never did that. Leaving school and getting a job is something I don’t want to do now, let alone this time last year. I stuck at them for another year and applied for some above-average local universities. I laugh thinking how my teacher had once recommended I go to some of the more elite universities in the country. I really hope I do well on Thursday, because I do work hard, but a weird side of me hopes that if I don’t, the decision will be made for me. If I don’t get in, I don’t have to decide.

At the moment I’m not nervous because I haven’t got my results so I don’t even know if I’ve got a place, but once I do – then it’s real. There is no way I could (or should) turn down a place at the university I have chosen. I think it’s the right place for me. I really do. I’m very studious and when I left school, I kept scouring my bedroom for books I could study from. It’s definitely the ‘right’ decision. I don’t know. I am very shy and when I went to an applicant day, everyone was asking loads of questions and they all shook their hands in the air to divulge with everyone else how much writing they had done and how good they were. A girl next to me put her hand up and said she’d even wrote a novel. I felt out of my depth. It’s not that I expected everyone to be bad or anything, but I expected some people to just be going because they wanted to go to ‘university’ and think they might as well do the course because they managed to get a good grade in their exams (I don’t know if that’s rude of me to think). I mean, the reason I want to do the course is to learn. I want to be a better writer. I don’t want to go there knowing everything because that defeats the point of going. I don’t want the university ‘experience’ like others do (which may sound crazy to some people). I just want to go because reading and writing is my hobby and I think I can be good at it with help. I want to be a better writer. There is only so much books can teach you.

I haven’t applied for student accommodation. I don’t know if that’s the right decision or not. Most people do. But then again, most people don’t suffer social anxiety (or they do, but maybe not as bad as I do). I would absolutely love to move out and have my own house. On my own. I don’t really want to share a place with other people I don’t know. I don’t want to have to have my breakfast with other people watching me. Or to be pestered when I’m in my room and reading a good book. I don’t want any of that. I want to have good friends who I go out with and have a good time with. But, I don’t want to live with them. I’m scared I’m going to miss out and be the only one who doesn’t stay at the university and be an ‘outsider’ for three years of my life. I don’t really mind being on my own, but I like to blend in, not stand out because I’m that weird one who no one talks to because I don't like to get involved in seminars or lift my hand up to boast about how much experience with writing I've got.

I don’t know what the ‘easier’ option is. If I get in to the university I have chosen, do I go and study a subject that I absolutely adore? Or do I decline it and get a job and then spend my time thinking ‘what if’ I’d gone. What if I met amazing people who were interested in the same things as me? What if I had the best three years of my life? Or does results day really decide the rest of my life? Do I fail to get the grades and let life take me where I am supposed to truly go? This fatalistic side of me comes out thinking about this. I believe that if I’m meant to go to university, I will go. I just hope that on the day, my ‘fate’ will be decided for me. I hate living my life like I’ve made a mistake, day in, day out.

No matter what I get on Results Day, the letter with its A’s, B’s, C’s, D’s or maybe even E’s, cannot dictate how much I write. Even if I don’t go to university or get a job wherever, I will still do the one thing that makes me truly happy. Writing. Creating characters. Developing interesting plots. That’s what I want to do, and so, that letter cannot tell me to stop doing that. That is the one decision that I can make all by myself.

This Thursday is a big day for not only me, but many people and I hope everyone gets what they hope for. But, obviously, try not to be too disheartened if the results aren’t what you had pinned your hopes on. Life has a funny way of working and everything happens for a reason, whether you believe that or not. Yes, university can decide your whole future and can give you greater opportunities, but it isn’t for everyone and you never know what’s around the corner. Another door could open and that might be the right door for you to open.

Thanks for reading.

Lauren

Are we born shy?

  

I was watching a YouTube video, by Melanie Murphy, about what makes people ‘shy’. She said that people aren’t born shy. When I told my Mum this, she said, ‘so, were you born shy Lauren?’ I didn’t really know how to answer this. Was I born shy? I really didn’t know.

When I went to nursery, I had a best friend (who I still see now) and we were inseparable. She was obviously a lot louder than me, but she brought the best out of me. With her, I always had someone to back me up and to always be there for me – as did she have me. We were polar opposites. She had blonde hair and blue-green eyes while I had brown hair and brown eyes. She was chatty with everyone, while I was more reserved. We went to infant school together and then to junior school. I didn’t think I was shy, and I had a lot more friends than I ever did have at Secondary school. Every time we left the school buildings, we’d ask to go round each other’s houses and always have sleepovers (well, she used to come round my house as I was always scared sleeping over other peoples and would call my Mum in the middle of the night asking her to pick me up).

When I went to secondary school, my friend went to grammar school and she made new friends, I made new friends. The thought of going to secondary school was daunting. My first week of school was an embarrassing one and everyone made their own little cliques. I didn’t really think I fitted in anywhere, even with the ‘clique’ I was left in. When you are around friends, you are supposed to feel 100% comfortable and be yourself. I don’t think I ever truly was myself with them.

I was shy at school. I never put my hand up, feared being asked a question in front of everyone, hated presentations and didn’t like being the team captain of group work (which everyone nominated me for because I had the neatest handwriting). I had a very good friend at school, who was very similar to me. She was quiet and went red when she was embarrassed. I could read her like a book. The thing about being friends with someone very similar to you, is that they don’t bring the best out in you. Well, what I mean is, that we didn’t push each other to do different things. We both were obsessed with books and liked making up stories. But more importantly, we were both just as shy as one another. Now, most people would think that being similar and having common interest’s means that you are destined to be friends. But I don’t think that’s true.  I sometimes find that I like being around someone who is the complete opposite of me.

I am still friends with both these people and love them dearly, but one just brings out my confidence more than the other.

Oh. I seem to have gone off on a tangent.

Am I shy?

Why am I shy?

1. Yes, I am shy. I know that if I apply this label to myself, then I am giving myself reason to believe that this is all I ever will be. Shy. This is the expectation I have of myself. That I am shy and won’t be able to do all of the other things other more confident people will do. This is a label I have given myself and other people have given me. I don’t know how to overcome this. It is hard to change the way you look and the one thing I have always told myself I will never be, is a copy of someone else. I am my own person and if I have spots and get anxious a lot, then I have spots and get anxious a lot. At least I am being myself. Shyness therefore, may be something that once we have applied to our self, can be hard to change. Or, I don’t know how to change.

2. If there was a gene to determine whether I would be shy or not, I would definitely have the former. I think growing up, my shyness was brought about by a lack of confidence and fear of embarrassing myself. I am not confident in the way I look. It doesn’t help having a sister who looks like a beautiful little cherub and who constantly makes fun of me (tell me why I love her?). At the end of year 6, I must have just started puberty or something, and started developing spots. I thought at the time, ‘Oh these will go. No one else has them, but they’ll go.’ They didn’t go. They just got worse and worse. They really got to me (they still do now). I never used to wear any makeup for fear the makeup would make them worse. Whenever I spoke to someone at school, I was always conscious of the fact I had them and used to think that when they were looking at me, they were just looking at my spots and not at me, what I was like on the inside. I do tend to blame my acne for not going out much and being anti-social. It knocks my confidence.

The fear of messing up also usually embarrasses me. I am good with words. But whenever I was speaking to someone at school or wherever, I used to stubble on them. I either used to think too much about what I was going to say or too little about it. This would make me really angry because words are supposed to be my ‘thing’. I love writing them, so why can’t I say them?  

I never wanted to be ‘popular’ at school. I hated being the centre of attention and most of the ‘popular’ people thrived on this. I sometimes think, if they looked like me, would they still be loud and confident? For me being popular wasn’t an option, I liked just blending in and getting on with my work and then going home to write and create a world where I could be whoever I wanted to be. I was happy with that. I guess that’s why some people take up acting, they can be someone different during the day and then, in the evening, they are their own boring selves.

I still haven’t worked out if we are born shy. All I know is that I am, and to some extent, I am happy with that. Yeah, sure, I’d like to be more confident and have more friends, but I’m content with my life. I’m still not completely happy in myself, which I think may be the cause of my shyness, but I have a good life, with a great family who are very supportive of me. And if I ever want to be someone else, I can always use the power of words to create whoever I want to be. (Is that sad?)

Thank you for reading this.

What do you think? Are we born shy? Is it nature or nurture? 

Flash fiction: Wife of the underworld

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a flash fiction story about the Hades and Persephone myth. I have recently just finished Brodi Ashton's 'Everneath' which is based on this story and I enjoyed her spin on it and the plot she developed from it - although it was very similar to another YA fantasy series I adore. Below is my own short version of the myth (that is by far my favourite in Greek mythology. 

 

 

Wife of the Underworld:

The ground swallowed her up. Darkness.

Hidden beneath his deathly cape, he guarded the glimmering shadows with his encompassing eyes; his hound at his side, snarling, salivating.

His sickly hand on her shoulder. Her chest convulsing.

'For the girl, my foods remain untouched.' The cape cackled. His smug smile was concealed, yet she knew it was there.

She heaved her hand back. Too late. The pomegranate seeds had touched her tongue.

A cry released from her tainted throat.

'Thus, she remains in my kingdom.' He drew her close, exhaling vulgarly.

To live is a wife, when a wife means living with death.

I love the way the myth is dark and when I read about it, I just had to create something from of it. I have stated before that I really like writing flash fiction as I feel its a quick way to get your 'creative juices' flowing. It puts me in the mood for writing. The way you can create characters and plot in so few words is what attracts me to flash fiction and why every now and again I'll have a go at it. 

Let me know what you think :)